Heavy Heart To Carry
by TwilightHSMForever92
Summary: Life can change you in an instant. Bella Swan figured that out four months ago. What happens when someone comes into her life and changes the way she thinks. Can that one person change her life for the better?
1. Chapter 1: Your haunted forever

I awoke from another nightmare that was a memory of what happened Four months ago. I tried to save her but I couldn't. Someone dragged me out of the house and saved me. She should have been saved not me, She was more important. The fire was my fault, Why did I have to forget to turn off the stove. She died because of me and I can't let it go. When someone dies and it's your fault, You feel pain and grief for making someone give up there life without a choice, specially when it was someone you love who gave you life. Which is why I keep trying to kill myself. But every time I try I hear my mothers voice in my head telling me don't. So I listen to her and stop, My mother was always protective of me my whole life. She always said listen to your heart and if it tells you not to do something then listen to it. Since my mother is always in my heart I listen to her. Even tho she is gone, She is still here with me – In some since. My mother Renee died in a fire; Which I started. I was cooking dinner and forgot to turn the stove off when I finished. It started a fire and the whole house burnt to the ground. When it was on fire I was trying to get to my mother but someone out of no where picked me up and carried me out of the house. Five seconds after I was out of the house and safe. The whole house fell to the ground in flames,With my innocent mother still inside. That's when I passed out from the amount of smoke in my lungs. I woke up in the hospital not remembering much. All I remembered was the fire and me trying to save my mother, But someone saved me instead. That's when my Best-friend Alice told me what happened and i broke down in tears. After I got out of the hospital I moved in with my father charlie. We all three lived in forks. My mom didn't wanna keep me away from him so I would stay at his house on weekends. And stay weeks at my mothers. Me and my mom lived 20 minutes away from my fathers house. My mother and i moved there after my mom and dad divorced. But i was a very happy teenage girl before four months ago. I had the best friends in the world. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie. The best parents that cared more about me then them self's. And I got amazing grades. Now my friends worry about me all the time cause I don't wanna go out anymore. My father is always asking if I am okay. And like always I say "I'm fine." Even when I'm not. It's an on going worry fest about me and I don't deserve it. I hate it. They shouldn't be worrying about me, They should hate me. My mom is died and it's my fault. No matter how many times my friends, My dad, Are anyone else says it isn't it is. I'm

seventeen years old, I don't matter. My mom was about forty three, she still had a lot to live for. What do I have to live for ? If I don't even know, How is anyone else gonna know. I opened my eyes and saw my father charlie staring at me. I jumped in fright as he smiled at me. I glanced at him then closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath before opening my eyes and looking at him confused.

"What are you doing in here at," I looked over the clock on my night stand and it read Six thirty in the morning, "At 6:30 in the morning ?" I asked as I sat up in bed crossing my legs Indian style. Charlie smiled at me. I don't call him dad unless I am talking to him. I don't feel like I have any parents anymore. When my mom died, It was like everyone I loved died. My mom and I were nothing alike but we very close's. I'll never be that close with anyone else again.

"Well I have to go to the station early, But I wanted to wish you a good day back at school," Charlie told me with a small smile. I lightly fake smiled at him before getting up out of bed. I sighed as I looked at the mirror next to me. I looked just like my mom. Except I have Charlies brown eyes and brown hair. My Mother had green eyes and red hair. I had her lips, eyes, nose. Pretty much ever feature that she had I do.

"Isabella," I heard charlie say. I turned around to look at him. I hate when he calls me that. Why can't he just call me Bella like everyone else.

"Yeah?" I asked with a sigh in my voice. He looked down as he put in hands in his front pockets and then back at my face.

"She's not coming back," He told me. I looked at him and nodded. He always knows when I look in the mirror that I think of my mother. He knows how much I look like her. I looked down at my hands, Then back up at him. I nodded softly.

"Yeah I know," I stated to him. He walked up to me and kissed my forehead. He pulled away and smiled at me awkwardly. And I know why. We have never really what you would call close.

"Well I better get ready are I'm gonna be late," I informed him. He nodded I am guessing in agreement. He walked to my bedroom door and left closing the door behind him. I sighed as I looked at the door. I just wish someone understood what I'm going threw and stop trying to fix me. I'm not repairable. People want me to get over what happened, But it's not that easy when it haunts you constantly. How do you get over something that is stuck in your head forever? It's like when a girl gets raped. She can not think about it for awhile. But she can't forget it. It still happened, there is no making it better, no forgetting it happened. Your haunted forever. And no one can change what happened to my mother. She is gone and I can't change that, No one can, Not even me. I tried to erase my thoughts so I could get ready. Last year I missed the last month of school cause I was sick from so much smoke that was in my lungs from the fire. So Alice would bring me my work everyday. Then she would come and get it when it was done after school so she could turn it in for me. Sometimes Jasper would bring it if Alice was to busy with her own school work. Jasper and Alice have been dating since last year. Alice is the kinda girl you wish you could be like. She is nice, happy. She is the best-friend anyone could have. She would always come over during the summer and just talk with me telling me everything would be okay. She thinks good in everything. She believes that when bad things happen it always leads to good things; Which I guess is a good way to think... For her. I walked to my closet and picked out a pare of jeans and white lacy top. My got it for me last year. I wore it on the first day last year, So I owe it to my mother to wear it on this first day back as well. I changed into the outfit I picked out then went into the bathroom to brush my hair and brush my teeth. After I was done. I grabbed my backpack and put it over my right shoulder. I went down the stairs and to the front door. I grabbed the door knob but stop. I turned around to look at the kitchen. My mom used to always stand by the kitchen and tell me to have a good day. I guess I am just gonna have to pretend from now on.

"Bye...mom," I said in a whisper before turning back around and walking out the door, then to my truck. My truck isn't amazing looking, But I love it. My mom got it for me when I turned sixteen. It's a used red colored truck. My Mother thought I would hate it, But I loved it more then anything. I still love it. I grabbed my keys out of my backpack and unlocked the door before hopping into my truck and heading to school. First days are always the worst. But it's worse when everyone in town knows what happened to you nine months ago. I bet everyone will be staring at me every moment they get. Feeling sorry for me cause I lost my mother. Well fuck them, They didn't kill there mother so they shouldn't pity me at all. I drove into the school parking lot. I was early so not many people were there yet. I parked my car close to the school, That way when I leave I don't have to deal with anyone stopping to asking me more questions or if I'm alright, 'Cause I know i will get enough of that during school. I turned the engine off before getting out of my truck. I put my backpack over my left shoulder. I took in a shaky breath and let it out before I started walking toured the school office. I hope Alice gets her soon. She always seems to make me feel better. Because she is the only one I really trust now. I walked toured the school office door but then it opened suddenly and almost hit me. I lost my balanced and was starting to fall forward. I could already fell the pain from the hard ground until I felt two arms catching me. I opened my eyes and looked up at the person holding me. I was against his chest with my hands on his chest as well.

"You alright?" The strange guy asked me with a small chuckle. He was tall I could tell. He has green eyes, Bronzed hair. And is very good looking. I nodded as I was still looking at him.

"Am I interrupting something," I heard a female voice say. I turned my head around to see it was Alice. I blushed a bit as I leaned away from the guy and looked at Alice.

"No, Um I just almost fell and he catch me before I did," I explained to her. She looked at me and nodded with a light smile.

"What's your name?" Alice asked him. I turned and looked at him curious. I am kinda interested to know what his name is; Which isn't like me. I usually don't care what people's names are – At least not anymore. But right now I am. For some strange reason that I don't understand.

"I'm Edward, I just moved her five months ago, Before that big fire happened," I looked down at the ground. I felt someone touch my shoulder. I looked up and it was Alice. She smiled lightly at me.

"You, okay?" Alice asked me in a small voice. I nodded as I looked back up at Edward. I like that name a lot. It fits him.

"Thanks for catching me. I appreciate," I told him with a small smile. He smiled back and my heart stopped for a moment. Did that really just happen. I don't know why that happened.

"It's no problem at all," He told me with a crooked smile, "If you don't mind me asking...But what's your name?" He asked looking at me. I smiled at him softly.

"I'm Bella," I told him. He smiled at me again which gave me a shiver down my spine. What the hell is going on with me right now. I have never felt like this before.

What is up with this guy. Making me feel like this. I don't even know what I'm feeling.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella," He said before smiling at me and Alice then he walked passed us and left. I have to admit I didn't want him to leave for some odd reason. What is going on with me this morning?


	2. Chapter 2 : Confused

**Chapter 2 ****(Better Edited Version)**

"_It's nice to meet you, Bella," He said before smiling at me and Alice then he walked passed us and left. I have to admit I didn't want him to leave for some odd reason. What is going on with me this morning? _

I shook the thought out of my head thenlooked at Alice as she was staring at me grinning. I stared at her and shook my head while I laughed at her expression, I can't help but laugh when she has that stupid grin on her face. I put my backpack back over my shoulder because it fell off when I almost fell, I shook my head at Alice before I walked into the office, I held the door open for Alice. I walked over to the counselors office, I never got my schedule in the mail so yesterday the school called Charlie and told him to have me come to the office and see the counselor to get my schedule when I get to school. I walked into the room that said counselor on the door, The counselor was sitting at her desk typing on her laptop, She has Blond hair pulled back in a ponytail. She wearing a blue button up top. Something you would see every counselor wearing I guess and she has blue eyes, She seemed like she belonged in California not in a small town like forks. The door was open but she didn't notice I walked in, I knocked on the door lightly hoping to get her attention, She looked up at me from her laptop kinda surprised, I hope I didn't scare her. She smiled at me so I guess I didn't scare her.

"Oh, hello you must be Isabella," God I hate when people call me that, I nodded lightly. She smiled again at me before bending down to the side of her desk and pulling one of her desk draws out, She then pulled a piece of paper out; Which I know is my schedule. I mean what else would it be? She put the paper down on her desk, Then looked at it for a moment intensely. I was confused by why she was looking at it. She looked back up at me and smiled.

"Just making sure everything is correct. Wouldn't wanna give you the wrong schedule," She told me as she handed me my schedule with a small smile on her lips. I smiled at her and nodded.

"So am I done here?" I asked her as I took the paper from her. She nodded at me and smiled again.

"Okay thanks," I said before I walked out of her office and toured the exit of the office. I looked at Alice, Who was staring out of one of the office windows, I walked over to her and touched her shoulder.

"What's up with you, Come on were gonna be late for class," I said as I grabbed her hand and started pulling her away from the window, But she pulled her hand away from my grasp and started grinning as she kept looking out the window. I looked at her confused before I looked out the window she was, I didn't see anyone until I saw jasper walking away from his car and toured the school.

"Alice you have been with him for a year. Aren't you over that whole watching him behind his back stage?" I asked as I turned away from the window to look at her. She looked at me and smiled.

"No I guess not," She said then glanced at the window one last time before she started

walking, well more like running toured the exit, I followed behind her, Right when we got outside Alice ran over to jasper and kissed him. I just smiled at them then walked to my first class. I looked down at my schedule in my hand. Spanish class with , Great, I have always sucked at learning new languages, And Spanish is the hardest. I walked toured the class room and saw Edward, Is he in my Spanish class ? I just kept walking toured the class room. I walked in and sat down in a desk in the back of the classroom. I sat my backpack down on the floor next to my desk, Edward walked in when I looked at the door, he looked at me and started walking toured me. I looked down at my hands quickly. "Is it okay if I sit here?" He asked me kindly. I looked up at him and nodded as I gave him a small smile. The desk weren't apart they where long desks like the kind you would find in a biology class. The bell rang right when everyone was in there seats, I looked over at Edward who was staring at me; Which kinda confused me.

"What?" I asked him with confusion in my voice. He just chuckled then looked back down at the desk. What was that?

"Amor," I heard a female voice say. I looked away from Edward to the women in front of my desk. She had black hair, brown eyes with olive colored skin, I am guessing she is the Spanish teacher.

"What? I'm sorry I don't really know much Spanish yet," I told her. She just shook her head and smiled as she looked from me to Edward, then turned and walked back to the front of the class. I looked over at Edward and he was chuckling.

"Do you know what Amor means?" I asked him curious. Edward kept chucking as he nodded.

"It means love in Spanish," He informed me. I stared at him confused.

"Why would she say love?" I asked more confused. She didn't think I was with Edward did she?

"I am guessing she thought you were my girlfriend," He stated to me with a small smile. Why would she think that? It's not like I am holding his hand are sitting close to him. I looked down at the space between us and that's when I realized we were sitting pretty close to each other. That's probably why she said that, I didn't move away from Edward tho. For some odd reason with him this close I didn't feel as depressed; Which did confuse me a bit. I looked at Edward and smiled. He smiled a crooked smile at me before looking at the teacher and listening to her telling the class how to say different words in Spanish. The first word she taught us was how to say 'I love you" In Spanish.

"Te Amo, Means I love you in Spanish, I want you to look at your partners and say Te Amo to them. I know you might think this is dumb and stupid but just do it, It helps to say it to someone, It gives more emotion so it's easier to learn," She told us so everyone looked at there partners and said it. Jasper and Alice said it in a romantic way, Because well they are in love. But how do I say that to Edward. I looked at Edward and he just smiled a reassuring smile at me.

"Te Amo," He said to me softly. My heart started pounding in my chest right when he said it. Then out of no where I had a strong urge to say it back so I did.

"Te Amo," I said to him in a whisper. He smiled at me and kept looking into my eyes. I heard snapping coming across from me, I looked away from Edward and saw Alice smiling at me snapping her fingers.

"You guys need to listen and stop staring at each other," Alice said with a giggle then turned back around in her seat and looked back at the teacher. I looked over at Edward kinda embarrassed, I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. I heard chuckling coming from Edward, I guess he noticed I was blushing. I just shook it off and paid attention to the teacher. After class Alice walked up to me after Edward grabbed his stuff and left.

"What was that?" Alice asked me amused. I looked at her and laughed before putting my backpack over my shoulder, go up out of my seat and started walking to the exit. Alice grabbed my arm when I was outside the door, I looked at her annoyed.

"What Alice, were gonna be late for biology," I stated to her. She just smiled and grabbed my hand pulling me out of the class room and into the hall way.

"Fine, We will talk while we walk to class," She told me. Alice let go of my hand and we started walking to biology.

"So what was all that about?" She asked me with a small smile on her lips. I looked at her and giggled.

"What do you mean?" I asked her. I know what she means. But I don't like Edward, I can't like Edward, That's impossible. And even if I did I can't deal with losing someone else I love. Not that I love him, But when you date someone you do fall in love with them at sometime. And I can't deal with losing someone else. Specially when it's someone you love. I've already gone through that ones. I don't need to go through it again.

"I mean after you guys said 'Te Amo' you guys kept staring into each other eyes," She stated to me. I looked at her and laughed.

"I don't know, I guess I am just tired. I didn't realize I was doing it till you said something in class," I lied to her. I really don't know why I kept staring at Edward. But whatever it was it was a good feeling.

"Well I think Edward likes you Bella," I just shook my head as I looked down at the ground and kept walking That's impossible Edward doesn't like me.

"No he doesn't. We were just looking at each other. You and jasper do it all the time, So what's the difference?" I asked her trying to prove a point. Which I know won't work. Alice always get me to confess things I don't want to. I don't know how she does it, but every time it works. I am not the best at lying and making people believe me. They can always see through me.

"The difference is Jasper and I are in love, You and Edward barley know each other," Alice stated to me in her proving a point voice.

"Let's just forget about it alright?" I told her and then walked to my locker to get my biology book. She grabbed my arm swinging me around facing her. I looked at her a little surprised with wide eyes. That really surprised me, I didn't expect that. She giggled at my reaction.

"Sorry, Didn't mean to swing you around like that," She said with a giggle in her voice. I just shook my head and smiled.

"It's fine, Don't worry about it. But why did you swing me around like that?" I asked her in confusing. This better not be about that guy Edward. I met him an hour ago and Alice is acting like we are in love and gonna get married someday; Which I can just say truthfully that will never happen. So many relationships end in divorce every year because they do something stupid and idiotic like getting married. Take my parents for example, My mom told me ones when I asked her why they got a divorce that they were in love when they were together just dating. Then after they got married everything changed. That's why when I was five my parents divorced, all they did was fight and my mom wasn't happy. Marriage really isn't the best thing. If you are already in love, why ruin it by getting married?

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	3. Chapter 3 : Panic Attack

**Chapter 3**

"_It's fine, Don't worry about it. But why did you swing me around like that?" I asked her in confusing. This better not be about that guy Edward._

"I just wanna know if you are scared of falling for Edward, because of what happened to...your mother?" She asked me in a serious tone, "'Cause if you are, you have to stop being like that. Your mother wouldn't want you pushing everyone you are scared to love away cause you are scared of losing them," She told me stating a point. I shouldn't be like this, I know my mother wouldn't want me to be like this. But I can't be the way I was before. I'm not that girl anymore. If I lose someone else that I care about, I don't think I will make it next time. Alice is right, I am scared to get close to anyone else. I'm scared of falling in love and maybe losing that person.

"Plus... how are you ever gonna get married, have kids. if you don't let yourself fall in love with someone ?" She asked me in confusion. That is true, How will any of that happen if I keep pushing people away? I guess it's never gonna happen then. That does really hurt me cause that is all I ever wanted. To have someone I love, Have kids, Have a happy life. But I just can't deal with losing someone else. I can't, I won't make it. I will probably die from pain next time. I don't know why I haven't die already. My heart started racing thinking of what happened. Remembering the blurry images of my mother screaming, laying on the ground crying, the flames circling around her. I looked at Alice and her eyes grew wide as she could tell I was having another panic attack. I have been having these ever since I got out of the hospital and started having nightmares almost every night. Alice took my backpack from me and unzipped the front pocket and took my anti – anxiety pills out, she took the top off, took one out then grabbed my hand and placed the pill in the palm of my hand. I put the pill in my month as Alice was closing the bottle of pills and putting it back in my backpack. I swallowed the pill dry. i hate doing that 'cause it feels like it's stuck in my throat when I know it isn't, but right now I don't care. My heart feels like it gonna fly out of my chest any second.

"You alright Ella?" Why does she call me Ella? I never understood why she does. Alice has been calling me that since we were thirteen. I am kinda used to it now. I'm just curious to know why she does call me that, no one else does. I mean I call her ally sometimes cause her real name is Alison but not very often, most the time I call her Alice like everyone else. I nodded lightly has my heart started to slow down. I was feeling kinda light headed. But I won't say anything to Alice, i know that would just worry her more then she already was. She smiled at me then wrapped her arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. I hugged her back before she pulled away. I smiled at her lightly. I saw Jasper coming toured us. I took my backpack from Alice.

Alice looked at me confused as I kept smiling,"What?" She asked me confused. I giggled before putting my hand up and pointing to jasper. She turned around and I could tell she started smiling. Alice always smiles when she sees Jasper.

"Well hello ladies, How are we this fine morning?" Jasper asked us in a gentlemanly voice, as he put his arm around Alice's waist. Alice leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"Were fine," Alice said with a smile still looking at Jasper. I smiled at them before I opened my locker and got my biology book out. The bell rang right after I closed my locker. My ears began to ring when the bell stopped ringing, my head also started killing me and I felt dizzy suddenly. I shut my eyes tight trying to make the dizzy feeling go away but it wouldn't. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I opened my eyes looking up at Alice's worried expression.

"You okay?" Alice asked me in a low worried tone. I nodded lightly, I looked from Alice and Jasper's worried expressions and smiled lightly.

"Really, I'm fine. I'm just tired that's all," I lied to them with a fake smile. Alice I guess believed me because her expression change from being worried to being relieved. I fake smiled at her one more time.

"You guys should really go to class before you are really late, I mean it would suck getting in trouble on the first day back," I told them trying to get them to leave without it being noticeable that I feel like crap and that I'm trying to get them to leave so I can feel like crap without acting like I feel fine.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Alice asked me in a concerned voice. Jasper looked at me kinda concerned too. I hate when they act like this, I know it's only cause they care. But It still gets annoying after the hundredth time seeing and hearing concern from people.

I looked at Alice and smiled lightly as I nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine. Just go," I told them.

Alice and Jasper looked at each other for a minute then looked back at me. I smiled again trying to make them just go away.

"Okay, if your sure Bella?" Alice asked me then took Jasper's hand in her's and then wrapped one of her arms around my neck and hugged me quickly then pulled away.

"Just go I will be there soon, I just need to get a few more things out of my locker," I lied to her in a small voice. She nodded as she smiled at me then looked at Jasper. I could still see the concern on Alice's face. I wish she wouldn't worry about me so much. She sometimes acts more like a mother to me then my best-friend; It is pretty weird since we are only seventeen. Alice has always acted more mature then her age; Which is a good thing cause if she acted like some stupid teenage girl people wouldn't like her as much as they do.

"We'll you soon Bella," Jasper said with a concerned tone to his voice. I looked at him and nodded while I smiled at them before turning away and opening my locker. Alice and Jasper walked pass me and then turned the corner. My locker was at the end of the hall so that way they can't see me. Which I was happy about. I shut my locker before I placed my hand on my forehead, Turned and leaned my back against my locker. I tried breathing in and out a couple time but I still felt really dizzy and had a horrible headache. Plus my heart was still pounding from having that stupid panic attack. At least this time I didn't have a panic attack while crying. That is awful, You can barley breath and feel like your lungs are gonna explode at any moment. I slid down the locker making me fall to the floor on my bottom; Which kinda hurt. I pulled my legs up to my chest, put my head down on my knees closing my eyes and resting for a few seconds hoping that would help but it didn't. I just kept sitting there with my head resting on my knees with my eyes closed. I suddenly felt a hand touch my shoulder. I looked up a little frightened, I didn't realize anyone else was in the hall. I looked at the guy who was smirking at me. It was Emmett the ass hole of school. He has dark brown hair, Brown eyes that you would think are black, really broad shoulders and he is really muscular. But to me he is an ugly asshole. He is a jock, on the football team, every girl in school wants him and he is always hitting on me cause he knows I would never go out with him. I already told him last year he was a jerk. He used to hit on Alice a lot, But then when she started going out with Jasper he stopped looking at her and asking her out. Mostly cause ones he looked at Alice when she was with jasper by his locker and Jasper gave him the 'Think twice before you touch my girl look'. My locker was right by where Emmett was standing when Jasper gave him the look. It was pretty scary if you ask me. I looked up at Emmett disgusted by the sick smirk he had on his lips.

"What do you want Emmett, I don't feel good so just leave me alone," he kept smirking. He suddenly leaned down wrapping his arms around my waist and picked me up. I pushed him away.

"What the are you doing, Leave me the hell alone," I told him before he started kissing me then pushed me against the lockers and pinning my arms to my sides. I tried to push him away but he was too strong. Then suddenly his tongue was in my month. I swear I was about to vomit. His mouth tasted like cigarettes and beer. He must have been smoking and drinking with his friends before school.

"G..get..o..off...me," I said in between him kissing me. I kept trying to push him away but he is at least six feet tall and a lot stronger. I am only about five feet and four inches tall, Plus I'm not as strong as Emmett, I am kinda strong. But not when someone as big as Emmett is pushed up against me against the lockers. I am like a five year old little girl compared to Emmett. I can't believe he is doing this to me in the school hall way, making me make-out with him. I kept pushing him away but there was no point, he's way too strong. He grabbed both of my wrists in his right hand and then with his left hand he reached down for my jeans. What the hell? I just thought he was making me make-out with him. No this can't happen to me please! haven't I been defaced enough? Now I am gonna be raped in the school hall way. That when I started crying. Emmett just smirked at me and unbuttoned my pants. I was about to scream but Emmett grabbed both my hands and held them against my month so I couldn't. If I wasn't such an idiot and just told Alice and Jasper I wasn't feeling good maybe I could have went to the nurse and gone home early and this never would have happened. But because I am such a stupid moron I am gonna get raped! Emmett started unzipping my jeans. I silently cried as I was already picturing what was about to happen to me. I didn't wanna lose my virginity this way. Maybe this is payback for letting my mother die, I probably deserve this. I do deserve to be hurt in someway for causing my mothers death. I just wish it wasn't this way.

"HEY!" I heard a male voice yell. It sounded louder then it would usually cause we are in a hall way. But the voice sounded like Edward. I turned my head to look down the hall. Edward was walking toured us, Don't tell me he is in on this. Maybe that's why he was being so nice to me, It was part of the plan for both of them to rape me in the hall. God I knew there was something weird about him, I just couldn't put my finger on it and figure it out, now I know. Edward came walking toured us. He looked angry instead of smirking like Emmett.

"Hey dude, Wanna help me pin her down?" Emmett said still smirking. More tears came down my cheeks thinking about being raped twice. Edward came up to Emmett and pulled him off me making me fall to the floor. I started shaking as I watched Edward Punch Emmett in the face repeatedly. Emmett fell to the floor the last time Edward punch him. His nose was bleeding a lot as he just laid there on the floor holding his nose.

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	4. Chapter 4 : Hold hands

**Chapter 4**

_Emmett fell to the floor the last time Edward punch him. His nose was bleeding a lot as he just laid there on the floor holding his nose._

"What the hell is your problem Edward, I thought you were one of us? Now your taking up for her?" Emmett asked as he stood up still holding his nose. Edward walking up to me and I moved away from him afraid that he was gonna do the same thing Emmett tried to do. Edward knelled down to me.

"I'm not gonna hurt you... I promise," Edward told me softly. I stared at him for a moment to see if he was being truthful, He was telling the truth, I could see it in his bright green eyes he was. I nodded lightly as I was still shaking slightly. He smiled at me sadly, "I'm gonna pick you up okay?" I nodded lightly again. He put his right arm under my legs and his other arm around my waist lifting me up off the floor. As he stood up holding me in his arms, I wrapped my shaky arms around his neck and laid the side of my head against his collarbone. Edward turned around toured Emmett, I hid my face in Edward's neck when Emmett glared at me with anger in his eyes. Now I'm scared of Emmett instead of not caring and telling him he is a jerk like I have before. I used to only think Emmett was a popular jerk. But now I know he is a perverted asshole.

"You ever touch her again...I won't just make you have a blooding nose next time, I'll kill you," Edward told him in a stern voice. I can't believe he is threatening to kill Emmett if he touches me again. Edward doesn't even really know me and he is acting like he really cares about me. That's kinda hard to believe, It's probably not true. But it nice to think that he cares. Did I just think that? Why would I care if Edward cares about me? What the hell is going on with me today? I just erased my mind and closed my eyes as Edward carried me out of the school.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked him in a whisper as I kept my eyes closed. I wasn't scared, I just wanted to know where he is taking me.

"I am getting you out of here, you are in no condition to be at school right now," Edward told me in a low soft voice as he kept walking. I looked up at him and smiled lightly.

"Thank you for saving me Edward," I told him as I laid my head back down against his collarbone. He leaned down and suddenly kissed my forehead gently. That kinda surprised me. Why did he do that? Maybe he just feels bad for me. Are maybe he really does care about me. Whatever it was, I don't mind that he did it.

"It's fine Bella, no need to thank me. I did it because I care, Emmett is an ass who should go to hell for what he tried to do to you," Edward said in a stern tone. He is still mad about what just happened. I lifted my head up to look at his angry expression. I lifted my hand up and touched his cheek lightly making him stop walking and look down at me. His expression softened when he stared into my eyes.

"Don't be angry, please. you saved me, You should be happy, not mad about that," I pleaded to him in a low, soft voice. He should be happy he basically saved my life a minute ago. I mean I wondering how much more depressed I would be if Emmett did rape me. Who knows how bad I would be, I am already a traumatic mess from causing my mothers death, If I was raped I would probably end up killing myself. Not that I would now. It's just that knowing that happened, my mind wouldn't be the same way. So I would do it without realizing what I was doing., "I not mad about that. I mad about what Emmett tried to do to you," Edward told me as he kept staring into my eyes. What is he thinking? He started leaning in and I got kinda scared, I don't know why but i moved my face away and laid my head against his collarbone again.

Edward leaned away with a hurt look on his face. He started walking again then stopped and started putting me down on my feet again but kept his arm around my waist holding me close to his side. I stared at him confused for a second. He started chuckling as he was looking at me.

"I have to unlock my car," He told me as he reached into his back pocket and took out his keys.

I looked over at my truck then back at Edward, "What about my truck? I can't just leave it here," I told him as he was unlocking his car door then let go of my waist. He opened his car door then leaned in over the driver seat, unlocking the passenger side. That's when I realized he had an old car. It was a brown kinda beaten up car. I liked it, It's not the kinda car you would use to show off with that's for sure. At least he isn't like Emmett who has a nice shiny sports car; Which I know he uses just to get girls to go out with him and to show off for his friends. Emmett thinks way to much about what people think. If only he was like Jasper and a good nice guy that doesn't care what people think. That's why Alice started dating him, Because he isn't that kinda guy. Me, Alice and Jasper have know each other since kinder garden. We have always been friends, Then one day last year Alice was all happy and I asked her why she was happy and excited and she said her and Jasper were going out. I was really happy for her, I still am. Alice and me have never cared what other people think, that's why we get along so well. We never show off are act like were better then each other, or better then other people. We are who we are, and that's all that matters.

"I'll come and pick it up for you later," Edward said as he grabbed my hand and started walking around to the other side of his car without letting me say okay. He opened the car door for me and let go of my hand. I looked at him confused, "You gonna get in?" He asked me in an amused tone. I nodded lightly before I got in his car and he closed the door for me. He walked around the car and got in the drivers seat. I looked out the window as it started to rain, I never liked the rain when I was younger, But now I find it relaxing and soothing when I see it. That's when I realized something.

"WAIT!," I yelled, "I have to go get my backpack," I told him and was about to open the car door when he grabbed my arm quickly stopping me. I looked at him confused. He had panic in his eyes like he was scared if I left something would happen to me. He grabbed my hand and held it in his. I looked down at his hand holding mine then look up at him shyly. I like Edward holding my hand. I don't know why. But I feel safe, Then a memory came to my mind. I remember I was at least three years old. I was in the kitchen sitting at the dinning room table coloring in a coloring book. I had clips in my hair on the sides and I was wearing a white dress that little yellow flowers on it. My parents came into the house after getting the grocery's out of the car. They were holding hands. I remember thinking what is that like? Why do mommy's and daddy's do that? So when my dad went upstairs and my mom came into the kitchen I asked her.

"Mommy?" I asked her in a soft voice.

She turned and looked at me with a smile."Yeah angel?" My mother used to call me that all the time when I was little.

"Why do you and daddy hold hands?" I asked her in my little soft voice I had. She smiled at me lightly then picked me up and placed me on her hip. She put a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Because it's a sigh of affection, You love the person so you wanna be close to them in someway even when you are in public, so you hold hands as a way of saying I love you without having to say it," She explained to me with a small smile on her lips.

"Oh okay," I said then my mother giggled lightly before leaning in and kissing my cheek then set me back down on my feet. I remember I went up to my room and thought about it for while. I was a very mature three year old my mother told me. She said I never talked like I was a child, I talked like I was an adult half the time. The memory faded away and i stared at Edward. He was still holding my hand. But maybe my mother was wrong about the whole holding hands because you love the person. I mean I don't love Edward, and I am sure he doesn't love me. He doesn't even know me.

I smiled at me lightly, "Okay, Well you wanna go with me to make sure I'm okay?" I asked him as he let go of my hand and started getting out. I guess that answered my question. I opened the door and got out. Edward walking around the car to me and took my hand and started walking back toured the school. What is up with him holding my hand? I just shrugged it off and followed Edward back to the school quickly to get out of the rain. We walked into the hall way and Emmett wasn't there, he must be in the bathroom fixing his bloody nose. I let go of Edward's hand, walked quickly down the hall and grabbed my back pack that was sitting on the floor below my locker. I put it over my shoulder and walked back to Edward. He held his hand out for me and I took it without thinking. We started walking back out of the school. The rain stopped so we didn't have to run to the car. The weather here has always confused me. One minute it's raining the next it stops and it's just gloomy out.

"So what's so important that is in your backpack?" Edward asked suddenly as we were walking to his car. I looked at him and smiled.

"What do you mean?" I asked him kinda confused. Why would he think there is something in my backpack that is important? He looked at me and chuckled lightly.

"Well when you remembered you forgot it you got this panicked look on your face," He informed me. I nodded lightly as we kept walking toured his car. I maybe i should tell him why. I mean what is he gonna do? Say I am insane like everyone else that knows. Except for Alice and Jasper, they understand why I need the pills. Most people just say I am a drug addict. Are at least the looks they give me when I go to the doctor to get the pills. We got to his car and he opened the car door for me again. I got in then put my backpack in the back seat. Edward closed the door before walking around the car and getting in. He turned his body toured me and stared at me for a moment.

"My pills are in my backpack," I told him.

He gave me a confused look as he rained an eyebrow."What pills?"

"My anti – anxiety pills, I have panic attacks," Now he probably thinks I am some insane person. Like everyone else does. He kept staring at me and it kinda made me uncomfortable.

"You think I'm insane now right?" Edward started chuckling and that confused me.

"What would I think you are insane?" He asked amused. I looked at him kinda confused by his reaction.

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	5. Chapter 5 : Stunned

**Chapter 5**

"_What? Why would I think you are insane?" He asked amused. I looked at him kinda confused by his reaction._

"Because I am seventeen... and I take pills for panic attacks," I clarified to him. His reaction surprised me. Most people that know always give me weird looks. Like I'm some suicidal teenager who needs pills to control herself.

Edward shook his head before lifting his hand up and stroking my cheek lightly, "I don't think your insane." He said as he shook his head again. I didn't understand why he was stroking my cheek but I don't mind him doing it, I liked it. When he touched my cheek my whole body felt warmer and I felt safer. Then my heart started racing; Which is a strange feeling for me. I've never even felt this feeling before, and it kinda scares me. But I love it at the same time.

"Sorry," Edward said as he moved his hand away from me and sat back into his seat. He ran his fingers through his hair quickly before starting the car.

I looked at him confused, "What?...what are you saying sorry for?"

He turned his head toured me, "It looked like I was making you uncomfortable," He told me. Then started pulling out of the parking place and driving out of the parking lot.

"I wasn't uncomfortable," I stated to him as I shook my head, "What made you think I was uncomfortable?"

He stared at me and smiled before looking back at the road, "You were starting to get warmer, I thought that meant I was making you uncomfortable," He retorted. I smiled at him and laughed nervously. I guess he noticed i got warmer.

"Well I wasn't uncomfortable, I don't know why I got warmer," I told him. And I didn't lie, I really don't know why I got warmer when he touched me. But I liked it a lot. Did I just say I liked it a lot? Okay there is definitely something wrong me. I mean more then usual. Every time he touched me it would send my heart into a spiral that seemed to never want to end. My mind told me not to feel this way. But it seemed like my heart had another plan for what I was feeling. He smiled at me lightly before looking back at the road. I couldn't take my eyes off Edward. I loved looking at him and I don't know why. He looked at me ones before looking back at road ones again.

"What are you staring at?," He asked me in a confused tone as he was looking at the road.

I looked down embarrassed and started fidgeting with my fingers, "Nothing," I lied. He looked at me with an 'I know your lying' look. He looked down at my hands which made me stop fidgeting. He chuckled lightly before looking back at the road. I looked out the window and noticed we weren't heading in my houses direction.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I looked at him. I saw a smile come cross his lips as he was still looking at the road

"My house. Unless you want me to take you home?" He asked me with a shrug.

I shook my head as I was still looking at him,"No, I don't wanna go to my house. I am sick of being there. Plus my dad isn't there and I don't really like being in that house alone," I told him. He chuckled but kept his eyes on the road. The rest of the car ride was silent. I laid my head down on my arm against the window because I was starting to feel dizzy again. Edward turned and parked in the drive way of a brown colored two story house. It wasn't too big but it wasn't too small either. I lifted my head up and looked at Edward.

"Are you sure this is okay? I don't wanna get you in trouble for leaving school early on your first day," I asked him a little worried. I mean I know charlie is gonna kill me for leaving school. He the kinda father that really doesn't cares about his daughter. He acts like he does but I know deep down he doesn't That's why I was so close with my mother, because she cared a lot about me. Unlike Charlie. I just wish I knew why he doesn't care about me. Ever since my mother died he just doesn't care for me anymore. Maybe he knows it's my fault too.

"Yeah, my mom and sister Rebecca are the only ones home.. My mom is more of a lover then a fighter. So don't worry," He told me with a smile before getting out of the car and walking to my side and opening the door.

"Can I leave my backpack here?" I asked him.

"Yeah of course. Unless you need it?" He asked kinda curious. I am guessing because of my pills. I shook my head as I got out of the car.

"No, I'll be fine," I told him as he closed the car door and grabbed my hand. We walked up to the house and Edward opened the door and let me in first then walked in behind me and closed the door.

"MOM, I'M HOME!," Edward yelled before a lady with bronzed hair like Edward's came walking out of the living room. I looked at her and smiled. She walked up to Edward and hugged him.

"Hey, What are you doing home," She looked at me and smiled, "Who's this?" She asked still looking at me.

"Um, I'm Bella," I said in a soft voice. I have always been shy around strangers. I wish I wasn't cause most the time they think I am being stuck up when I'm not.

"Bella, was feeling sick so I decided to take her home but her father isn't there and I thought it would be best to bring her here. Is that alright mom?" He asked her as he took off the jacket he had on and put it on the jacket rack my the front door. I didn't have a jacket on so I didn't need to take mine off.

"Yeah that's fine Edward, I understand," She said still looking at me, " I'm Esme by the way...So are you guys like..." She asked with a big grin. I looked at her stunned. First the Spanish teacher now Edward's mom. What is up with everyone thinking I am dating Edward?

"No mom we are just friends. We have Spanish class together," Edward retorted to Esme with a small crooked smile. I didn't know why he was smiling but I liked when he smiled. He looks handsome. Okay! this has gotta stop! Why am I thinking theses things about Edward? I barely know him. Plus I have one rule: Never fall in love. Because that's just another way of losing someone else I care a lot about.

"Well you guys can go up to your room and I will bring you a snack in a while if you want," Esme said to Edward has she patted his shoulder then turned to me and smiled, "I hope you feel better Bella,"

Esme told me smiling before she turned and walked back into the living room.

I turned to look at Edward and smiled at Edward, "I like your mom, she's nice."

He chuckled lightly, "Told you she's more of a lover then a fighter," he grabbed my hand and started leading me upstairs. We walked down the hall and into a room with the door slightly open. When we walked in I looked around the room. There were a few moving boxes in the corner of the room, a bed with a black comforter on it and two light blue pillows. The walls were white. There was a wood desk against the wall by the bedroom door and then a closet against the wall by the bathroom. It was a nice room. A lot cleaner then expected for a guys room. I looked at Edward as he closed the bedroom door.

"You can lay down on my bed," He stated to me with a smile. I smiled at him and nodded before walking over to his bed and sitting down on the edge. "Do you want some aspirin for your head?" I looked at him. He was standing in the door way of the bathroom.

"Um, Yeah sure. Thanks," I told him as I smiled at him. He smiled back at me before walking into the bathroom. I took my shoes off before moving up on the bed and sitting in the middle with my legs crossed. Edward back out walked over to me and handed me a bottle of aspirin. He looked down at the floor and must have seen my shoes there cause he started chuckling.

"You know you didn't have to take off your shoes?" He asked me. I looked at him then down at the bottle of Aspirin.

"Yeah I know. But I didn't wanna get your bed dirty and plus my mother taught me manners," I stated to him. Edward just chuckled and shrugged.

"Alright then. Well do you want water are soda to take the aspirin with?" He asked me as he was walking to the bedroom door.

"Um, Waters fine. Thanks!," I told him with a smile before putting the bottle of aspirin on his nightstand table. He nodded before walking out of the room and closing the door. I looked around his room and saw a radio on his desk table that I didn't see when I walked in. I got off the bed and walked over to Edward's desk. I bent down to see if it was plugged in and it was. I turned it on and the song 'Clear The Area By Imogen Heap' Came on. One of my favorite songs. I turned it up a little bit and walked back over to the bed and laid down. I sang along with the song in a whisper.

Knock, knock are you alone?  
No ones out here and I was not followed.  
Love, love you're already home.  
Parties over and you don't look so good.

You find your way back down.  
And I'll keep the area clear please clear the area.  
When you find your way back down in one piece.  
Then I'll just be waiting here right here.

I stopped singing when I heard the bedroom door open. A girl with short blonde hair look into the room then looked over at me.

"Um, Your Bella...right?" She asked me as she started walking in and toured me. I sat up and looked at her and nodded. She smiled at me and then sat down on the bed next to me.

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	6. Chapter 6 : Damaged

"_Um, Your Bella...right?" She asked me as she started walking in and toured me. I sat up and looked at her and nodded. I got up and turned the radio off before sitting back down in the middle of the bed. She smiled at me and then sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. _

"I'm Rebecca, Edward's sister. But call me Becca," She told me. I smiled at her.

"It's nice to meet you," I told her. She smiled at me then her expression got serious which kinda worried me. Did I do are say something wrong?

Becca looked down at her hands then back up at me,"I know what Emmett tried to do to you at school," Becca said in a soft, sad tone, "I'm sorry that happened to you Bella."

I stared at her for a moment. How did she know? Did Edward tell her? "How do you know?" I asked her as I was looking down at my hands.

"I heard Edward telling my mom, Esme," She uttered with a sigh in her voice. I looked at her and nodded. Great now EVERYONE knows what happened. At least Alice doesn't know yet. I know she'll freak out and tell Jasper, then Jasper will do something stupid and get hurt, then I will have no one to blame but myself, and Emmett of course. If it weren't for him I would be in science class and wouldn't have to deal with this shit. Plus Jasper has always been protective of me. Whenever someone messed with me he was right there to protect me. He's like a brother to me. Just like Alice is like a sister. I just know Jasper will say something to Emmett and then get in a fight with him and I don't want Jasper getting hurt. I don't want other people fighting my battles anymore. Even tho I do owe Edward for saving me. If it weren't for him I probably would _have_ been raped.

"So Edward beat Emmett up?" She Blurred out suddenly to me as she looked up at me.

"Yeah, I don't know why he did tho, he barely knows me," I stated to her.

She smiled at me before looking down at her hands, "He cares about you, I can tell," She assured, like she knew for sure he did. I look at her confused and surprised, "Why would he care about me? He doesn't even know me," I asked her stating a point. It doesn't make since why he would care about me?

She smiled at me and shook her head, "I don't know why, maybe he likes you."

I looked at her kinda annoyed. Why the hell does everyone keep thinking things like that about me and Edward? This is really kinda pissing me off! Nothing is ever gonna happen between me and Edward, so I wish people would just shut up about it!

"Edward doesn't like me. I know that for sure," I stated to her in a soft voice.

Becca looked at me and smiled lightly before looking down at her hands, "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant friend like," She noted with a shrug and a smile.

Okay now I feel stupid, "Oh," I said, that's all I could say. I felt so stupid. But can you blame me? Everybody else keeps saying he likes me. Which I know isn't true.

She smiled then looked at the floor, "I think there is another reason Edward got so angry about what Emmett tried to do," She confessed to me as she looked back up at me. Her eyes look sad and pained. Like she was thinking about something that opened an old wound that was closed for a while. That someone just ripped open and caused her pain again. I know how that feels. I sometimes for a moment forget what happened, but then someone just reminds me by asking if I am okay, and all the memories and flashbacks come back to my mind. And open my scars and wounds again. It always takes a long time to close them back up. If I ever really can close them back up; Which isn't a safe bet for me.

I nodded, "And what would that reason be?," I asked her as she was still looking at me. I noticed that she was shaking slightly as she looked down at her hands that were shaking also. Something was really wrong and I didn't know what but it made me panic.

"Do you want me to go get Edward?" I asked her as I moved over to the edge of the bed and sat next to her.

She shook her head, "No, I'm okay," She looked back up at me, "The reason Edward got so mad is because it happened to me," I didn't know what she meant till a moment after she told me.

I stared at her and couldn't control my eyes from getting wider in shock. She smiled at me sadly as I saw her eyes getting watery and a single tear rolled down her right cheek. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around me and started crying on my shoulder. I know I don't know her very well, but she just told me she was raped. I can only imagine how awful that would be, I was almost raped and I was terrified but she really was. That's a whole lot worse then almost being raped. Is it possible that there isn't any kindness in this world at all? Why do people do the things they do? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? Life just doesn't make any since at all. After a few moments she stopped crying and was just sniffling. She pulled away and whipped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Becca," I said as I shook my head lightly, "I'm so sorry," I told her in a soft voice as I pursed me lips. She smiled at me lightly.

"Thank you," She said in a soft quiet voice, "But...I am pretty sure that's why Edward got so angry when he saw Emmett trying to rape you. He's been pretty protective of me since it happened, he won't let me go out unless he are my mom are with me. But I guess it's a good thing to have a brother who cares so much," She stated to me with a small smile. I smiled at her as well. Wow! Edward is better then I thought. Something popped into my mind. I didn't wanna bring back anymore memorizes of what happened to her. But I had to know something for some reason.

"Do you know who it was?" I asked her in a soft whisper as she was whipping the tears from under her eyes. She put her hands down on her lap then looked down at Edward's bed before looking up at me.

"Yeah," She nodded lightly, "It was our step father Richard. He came up to my room and started yelling at me cause I got an F on my English test and I told him to go to hell because he wasn't my real father. Then he grabbed me and pushed me down on my bed and well..." Becca stopped there. She couldn't even say the word. He damaged her forever. I wish I could take her back to that time and change it for her. Like I wish I could go back in time and change what happened that night when I forgot to turn off the stove. I swear if my life was a movie, i would script it so differently. Another thing popped into my mind and I didn't understand why this questions came to mind but I asked it anyway.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked her in a low whisper just loud enough for me and Becca to hear. She looked at me with a puzzled look and i understand why. I never ones wondered what being in love was like, but right now I have this weird urge to know.

"Um, yeah but it didn't work out cause after what happened with Richard he went to jail and Edward and my mom didn't want me to be in that house are state anymore so I left without telling him," She looked down at her hands.

"What's it like?" I asked her without thinking. Why do I keep asking theses stupid questions? What is going on with me today? I have no clue at all now. I think I am becoming more insane then I already am.

What's what like?" She asked me confused.

I smiled at her nervously and looked down at my hands, "Um, being in love."

Becca looked up at me, "You've never been in love?" She asked me a little stunned which kinda confused me.

"Um...no, why?" I asked her as i trying to figure out why she was stunned.

She smiled, "It's just your so nice and your really pretty I was sure you've had a boyfriend or two." I stared at her surprised for a moment before I shook my head.

"No, I've never had a boyfriend, and I don't really want one," I told her with a shrug.

She nodded before looking down at her hands then back up at me, "Being in love, it's like when you see him...everything changes. Your so happy you can't contain yourself, and when he touches your hand, your arm, or your cheek. Your whole body lights up and you feel all warm and happy inside. But when there gone, all you wanna do is be with him. You feel alone, because he's a apart of you and when he's gone it's like a part of you is gone too. But then when you see him again. You feel alive again cause you are bought back to life. The other part of you is back, they bring you to life." I stared at her in shock. Is that what I am feeling for Edward. I mean when he touched me I did get warm and I was a lot happier. But that can't be true. I can't be in love with Edward that's impossible, and I don't wanna be. I fine alone. That's the only way I'll make it through life without losing someone else. She looked down at her lap. Something was wrong again.

"You okay?" I asked her.

She smiled at me and laughed lightly, "No, but it's okay to not be okay sometimes," She stated with a shrug. She giggled lightly as did I. She was right! It is okay to not be okay. I looked up at her, "Are you going to forks high school?" I asked her.

She smiled and shook her head, "No, I finished high school last year. I'm nineteen." I looked at her stunned. She looks nothing like an nineteen year old. She was slender/Skinny almost. Her short blonde hair came almost to her shoulders and she has blue eyes – Like a sapphire blue, a very beautiful blue color.


	7. Chapter 7 : Memories

**Chapter 7**

_Like a sapphire blue, a very beautiful blue color. _

But she looks like she's as least seventeen not almost twenty years old.

I nodded lightly as I was still looking at her,"I wish I was nineteen and done with high school. To a lot of teenagers your a very lucky person," I told her with a sigh as I was stating a point. I stared down at my hands and picked at my bitten down nails.

She touched my shoulder making me look up at her,"High school is the most memorable time in your life Bella. You fall in love, You break up, You do stupid things sometimes, but you also do great and amazing things. You have to enjoy it while you can. Before real life takes over," I stared at her in amazement. But then I stared at her in confusion because she started grinning.

I could tell it wasn't about what she just said it was about something else but I didn't quiet know what, "What are you grinning about?" I asked her with a shake to my head and a light smile.

She started giggling lightheartedly which just confused me even more. Suddenly the bedroom door opened I looked over at it and Edward came walking in. He had a bottle of water in his left hand, he looked at me then at Becca with a confused expression on his face.

"What are you doing in here?" He asked Becca in a confused tone with a smile on his lips. Becca just looked at me and giggled, "Nothing just introducing myself," She said still looking at me. Edward touched her shoulder and smiled at her again, "You feeling okay today?" Edward asked her kindly in a low voice.

Becca nodded lightly then looked back at me, "It was nice to meet you Bella, I'll see you later Edward. Now be your charming gentlemanly self and give Bella the water," Becca said as she was walking out of the room and closing the door behind her. I heard her giggling in the hallway. Edward just shook his head and started walking toured me. I smiled at him as he stood in front of me and handed me the water.

I took it from him and smiled, "Thank you."

He nodded lightly while looking at me, "It's fine, so you wanna watch a movie are something?"

I nodded, "Yeah, Sure," I said before I laid back down on the bed again. I reached over and grabbed the bottle of aspirin that I left on his nightstand. I tried to take the cap off and it wouldn't come off and it was making me angry. Edward touched my hand making me turn my head and look up at him. He was right next to me on the bed. When did he lay down? I didn't even feel the bed move. He chuckled before he grabbed the aspirin from me and opened it. Then handed it back to me. I took it from him and smiled.

"Getting mad will just make it take longer to open it," He notified with a chuckled. He was right.

I laughed lightly, "Yeah, I know. But my head is hurting," I confessed. I would usually just lie to people, but I told him the truth and it amazed me. Why am I being so truthful with him? It doesn't make any since. Edward then smiled at me sadly before leaning in. It worried me until he kissed my forehead lightly. I closed my eyes in content, leaning into it. He pulled away then smiled as he stroked my cheek lightly with his thumb. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as i moved my face away from his hand. I put two aspirins in my hand before sitting on the edge of the bed and grabbing the water bottle, opening it then placing the pills in my mouth and sipping the water till the pills were down my throat. I put the cap back on the water bottle, then set it down on the table and sat there for a second. I was starting to space out until I felt a hand touch my shoulder lightly. I turned around and Edward was staring at me with a worried expression. I smiled at him lightly before laying back down.

"You alright?" He asked me with worry coloring his voice and face.

I smiled at him and nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired."

He smiled at me and got up and walked over to the TV that was on the small entertainment center that was against the wall in front of his bed. He turned the DVD player on and the TV. He looked at me then walked over to the corner of the room where the moving boxes are and opened one of them, then picked it up and walked over to the bed and set the box down on the bed next to me. I stared at the box confused then looked at Edward.

He started chuckling, "I thought maybe you would wanna pick a movie. I think some of Becca's movies are in the box. And most are love story movies. I don't know if you like love stories, but becca is a big fan of them," He noted with a smile.

I nodded as I giggled, "I like love stories. Doesn't almost every girl on the planet ?" I asked with a shrug.

Edward stood there and thought about it for a moment, "Yeah, your right," He agreed with a smile.

"I'm always right, ask my friends Alice and Jasper," I notified with a giggle.

I sat up on my knees and looked in the box and looked through the movies then saw one that I have seen a million times but I still love, "You wanna watch this one?" I asked taking it out of the box and handing it to Edward.

He looked down at it and smiled, "500 days of summer?" He chuckle while saying it.

I giggled, What? I love it, It's not really a love story, it's a story about love. Like the trailer for it says," I notified.

He chuckled again and nodded, "That's what becca says all the time. And my mom," He told me while looking at me. I smiled lightly before laying back down.

"So you wanna watch it? You can pick something else if you want. I know most guys don't like love stories," I told him stating a point as I smiled.

He shook is head,"No it's fine, I don't mind love story movies," He said as he walked over to the entertainment center and put the movie into the DVD player.

"So where did you get that locket?" He asked me as he was walking back over to the bed then picked up the box of DVDs off the bed. I sighed as I sat up and grabbed the Gold Heart shaped locket that has been around my neck since I was twelve. I looked over at Edward, he was putting the box back down in the corner of his room then walked over to the DVD player, grabbed the DVD remote, walked back over to the bed and laid down. I turned and looked at me while I was still clutching the locket in my right hand. I looked away quickly as I felt the tears starting to well up. I shut my eyes tightly and all I could see was visions of intense heat and bright orange flames flooding my psyche. I felt pressure on my right shoulder and I quickly looked back. Edward had an expression on his face that I couldn't understand. I was like a mixture of worry and confusion, "What's wrong, Bella?" I stared at him for a few seconds before looking away from him and looking down, I lifted the locket up so I could see it better and another memory washed over my mind that I forgot about till now. The morning after the fire. I woke up not knowing where I was are even remembering what happened. As I looked around the room a little more. I finally realized where I was – The hospital. How did I get here I thought to myself. I heard a beeping coming from the right side of me and there was a machine. I looked down at my arm and noticed I was hooked up to it. It must be a heart monitor to make sure I'm alive. I also had an IV in my right arm. The sight of the needles made me cringe. I suddenly felt my left hand move slightly without me doing it. I turned my head to the left to look down at my hand then noticed Alice was asleep in a chair next to my bed with her hand holding mine. Her head right by my hand and hers. I smiled lightly before moving my left hand a little bit making Alice stir in her sleep. I giggled lightly before moving my hand again, "Alice? Wake up," I said in a whisper my chest hurt a little as I said it which confused me but I just ignored it.

Alice opened her eyes blinking a couple times before lifting her head up and staring at me in shook with wide eyes, "Bella?" She asked me as her eyes became watery. I looked at her more intensely. Her eyes were rimmed red, she's been crying all night. I hate that I made her worry so much.

"Yeah?" I asked her with a slight smile. Trying to lighten the mood a little bit, even tho I knew it wouldn't work. Alice grinned big as tears started streaming down her cheeks. She threw her arms around me and started crying on my shoulder. That's when I remembered what happened. The orange flames, my...Oh god my mother!

"Alice, Where's my mom?" I asked in panic as the heart monitor started beeping like crazy. She pulled away and stared at me and started crying more.

She shook her head, "I'm so sorry, Bella."

That's when all the memories of what happened came back to my memory. My breathing was starting to become thicker making it hard to bring air to my lungs. I couldn't cry I was in too much of a shocked state. I couldn't move, talk, even look at Alice or comfort her as she cried. I was numb. I saw out of the corner of my eye Alice leaning down to the side of her chair as she sniffled. She sat back up and leaned in toured me before putting something around my neck. I was able to look down and see what it was. It was my silver heart shaped locket. I haven't taken off since I was twelve years old. I looked at it as the tears started to water over the rim of my eyes. She then set the white lacy shirt that I wore for the first day of tenth grade last year. I took from her gently before it hugging it close to me. It still had the scent of my mother perfume on it, Her favorite perfume 'Wind Song'. It was like if she was right here with me. That just made me start sobbing. I broke down in tears as I turned away from Alice and laid down on my right side in the fetal position as the tears kept coming. I held the shirt close to my chest as I cried myself to sleep. "Bella," I heard Edward's voice say that made me snap out of it and the memory faded away slowly. I turned back and looked at his face. He was staring at me with an extremely worried expression. That's when I did something I didn't even think about before I did it. Something I never ones thought I would do.

**So i kinda edited this chapter but not all of it cause i have been pretty busy!**

**But if there are any mistakes i'm really sorry...!**

**I hope you like this chapter! :)**


	8. Chapter 8 : Unwanted

**_Chapter 8_**

_That's when I did something I didn't even think about before I did it. Something I never ones thought I would do._

I turned around quickly toured him then wrapped my arms around his midsection tightly before laying the side of my face against his chest. He almost fell back on the bed but he pulled himself up before he could. I pulled away quickly thinking I went to far by desperately holding myself to him. He looked at me worried and saddened before opening his arms and motioning for me to hug him again, I didn't even need to think about it. I wrapped my arms around his midsection again and I could feel the tears starting to spill over. I have tried so hard to control my feelings and keep myself rational around other people, but I think I am beginning to crack. I have been trying so hard not to do this when I am around people. The only time I ever break down is when I am alone. But I can't hold it in this time, and I don't wanna. I may look weak but I don't care, I can't do this anymore; Holding in my feelings. If I wanna cry, I will cry. Probably only in front of Edward since now he is already watching me cry. And he isn't looking at me like I'm crazy. He's holding me, comforting me, showing that he actually cares. This is something I've needed since it happened. Feeling like someone cares as much as my mother did. Not even Alice or Jasper have made me feel this way. Like they cared as much as my mother did. I know Alice and Jasper care but sometimes it's hard to believe they really do. When you lose somebody like I did, you kinda lose faith in everything and everyone. But I guess it's true what people say: Some moments in life change us forever. Suddenly I felt Edward slightly pull away from me; which made me start crying harder then I already was. I was feeling rejected and unwanted. I didn't understand why I felt that way though, but I did. Edward gently pulled me away from him making a whimper escape my lips. He looked down at me with concern and worry, he then put his hand under my chin making me look up at him. I looked straight into his eyes, that's when I saw the pain. My eyes were blurry from the tears but I could still see the pain and concern coloring his green eyes.

Edward cupped my right cheek gently in his hand as he put a strand of my hair behind my ear before looking into my eyes, "Your gonna be okay, i promise," He said with so much truth in his voice; it was hard to not believe him. I have a hard time not believing Edward, every word that comes out of his mouth sounds so truthful and real. I know he is being truthful and not just lying to me. I'm good at reading people when they are lying and Edward is not lying, that's for sure.

"Your gonna get through whatever happened, i promise you will," He looked straight into my eyes as he said it and I believed him, and I hoped he was right. I just wish all the pain and guilt would wash away somehow. Even just for a minute without the pain would be bliss. Edward started getting off the bed and I looked over at him confused until he started walking toured his desk and I realized what he was doing. He pressed the power button in his radio and a random song came on, "Listening to the radio usually helps Becca forget what's bugging her so maybe it will help you," He lightly smiled before walking back over to the bed and sitting down on the edge of the bed in front of me. I sat up and crossed my legs Indian style. I barley even realized the radio was on as I was staring at his face. He put his head down and looked away from me. How do I tell Edward what everyone else is telling me? I put my hand under his chin making him look back at me, his eyes were pained. The exact pained look Becca had when she told me she was raped. He doesn't think it was his fault it happened to Becca...does he? I shook my head as I looked straight into his pained eyes,"It wasn't your fault." It sounded weird hearing those words come out of _my _month. it's all I have heard from other people for months, I can't believe I am saying it right now! He looked at me confused, I am guessing 'cause he doesn't know Becca told me what happened.

"You know?" He asked in a whisper. I nodded lightly. He kept staring at me and it was making me have a hard time breathing. I don't know what it is but the way he looks at me just makes my throat close up, like there's a big lump I can't swallow.

"Will you stop...Please," I pleaded with a sigh as I looked at him with my lips pursed.

He looked at me like I was crazy, he was confused by what I was saying. He didn't even realize what he was doing. He's gonna make me explain it to him isn't he? Damn it!

"What's am I doing wrong?"

I stared at him for a spit second and he was giving me that look again.

I looked down then back up at him, "I can't breath while your looking at me like that so just _stop, _please," I pleaded in a loud tone. My voice sounded colder then usual, which I have to admit did surprise me a bit. But i was upset and my voice let Edward know I was.

He still had the same confused expression on his face, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was looking at you in such a strange way." He looked away from me with hurt all over his face and I felt guilty. Why do I always say things that makes people feel bad. I put my hand under his chin making him look back at me.

I smiled a light smile at him, "I'm sorry, i say stupid things sometimes. I can't help it," I said with a shrug. He was staring at me again and this time I didn't care. If he wants to look at me like that then he can. I don't wanna see that hurt expression on his face again. It hurt me too much when I saw it a minute ago. I shouldn't make other people hurt just cause I am. Even tho I don't mean to hurt people. I don't realize it till I see the hurt on there faces are in there eyes. I looked over at the radio as it changed to a new song. I looked away from it and back at Edward. He had a small smile on his lips, that's when the guilty feeling washed away then the hurt wash away from his eyes. I smiled at him lightly before I got up then was stopped by Edward grabbing my hand. I giggled lightly as he stood up in front of me, wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close to his chest. I didn't understand why he was holding me; which is why I giggled. But I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him just as tight as he was holding me. Edward seemed like he needed this hug and I wasn't going to complain cause I needed it too. I like when he holds me, I felt safe, like nothing can hurt me. It's weird considering I just met him an hour and a half ago but it must mean something good if he makes me feel safe, right?

"Where are you going?" He asked into my hair.

"I was gonna go rinse my face off," I said in a whisper as he held on to me tighter, not enough to hurt me but to make me feel safer then I already did.

"I'm sorry you're unhappy, Bella."

I pulled away slightly to look at him, "What makes you think I'm unhappy?"

"Because you were crying. you have to be unhappy about something to make you cry like that," He stated to me in a soft low voice as he shook his head slightly. That's when fear crept up on me, fear of him find out what happened. He is the first person in months to treat me like I used to be treated. Not like some more girl who lost her mom.

"I don't wanna talk about it, so don't ask," I said in a cold voice before I moved away from Edward, walked away from him and straight into the bathroom. I closed and locked the door before walking over to the sink and looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen. How could Becca look at someone like me and think I am pretty. She must not care much about looks if she thinks I am pretty. Becca should be calling herself pretty, because she is. But me..._pretty_. Maybe in an alternate universe, but here in this place, looking at myself in this mirror, I am no where near pretty even if god himself said I was pretty I know I'm not.

"Bella." I heard Edward's voice say on the other side of the bathroom door. I looked down as I leaned against the sink with my arms. I stared down at the sink and took a deep breath, before turning around and walking toured the door. I unlocked it then opened the door slowly. Edward was standing right in front of the door. I walked out of the bathroom and past him, then walked over to the bed and sat down, "I'm sorry, I just really don't wanna talk about it right now," I told him as I was looking at his bedroom window. The sky was very dark gray, the only dark gray you see when there is gonna be a storm; which I hate. I have always said I hate storms cause of the lightning and thunder. It scares me, I have no idea why, but it does. I can never sleep when there is a storm going on. So I guess that means I am getting no sleep tonight, unless it lets up by then. I looked away from the window and back to Edward. He was still standing by the bathroom door, staring at me and smiling."What are smiling about?" I asked with a slight giggle in my voice. I can't be unhappy when I look at Edward, especially when he's smiling. There's just something about him that makes me feel happy, safe and even loved. His smile just makes me smile and I can't not smile around him. I've only know him an hour and I already feel like I can trust him. I have been depressed for over four months, but when I am with Edward I don't feel depressed, I can't be depressed with him near me. I have to idea why, but I can't

"Nothing, you just looked scared when you looked at the window,"

I smiled at him and laughed sheepishly, "Yeah...well...there is a storm coming, I hate storms." I admitted. I stood and walked over to Edward and wrapped my arms around his waist then laid my head against his chest, "I'm sorry," I paused, "I snapped at you. I just really don't wanna talk about it...right now," I pleaded in a whisper as I closed my eyes hoping he would drop it. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head; Which should have surprised me but didn't.

"It's fine. When or if you wanna tell me I'll be here." He replied back softly. I smiled to myself then nuzzled into his chest more. Edward kissed the top of my head again as he held me closer to his body. I felt so warm in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9 : Confessed

**Chapter 9**

_Edward kissed the top of my head again as he held me closer to his body. I felt so warm and safe in his arms. _

"Um...sorry," I heard a female voice say from behind. I pulled away from Edward and turned around to see Esme and Becca standing in the doorway both grinning. I looked down embarrassed.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt, we're just gonna go and get something to eat do you guys want anything while were out?" Esme asked still with a huge grin on her face, which surprised me. Most parents would freak out if they walked into there sons room and saw them hugging another gender. I laughed at the thought and Edward started chuckling. He must have been thinking the same thing as me.

"No mom we'll be fine. you guys have a good time," Edward told them still chuckling lightly. I smiled as he chuckled then Becca started giggling. I looked at her and she was smiling at me and giggling. I shook my head and looked down still smiling. This was getting weird now.

"Okay, let's go mom," Becca said as she grabbed Esme by the shoulders and leaded her out the bedroom then closed the door behind her. I looked over at Edward and giggled lightly. He just chuckled softly and walked back over to me. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek then walked into the bathroom. Why did he kiss me on the cheek? So far he has only kissed me on the forehead, why now? Like I always do, I just ignored it and went back over the his bed and sat down waiting for Edward to come out of the bathroom. The door wasn't closed so he must not be doing something he wouldn't want me to see. He suddenly came out with a wash cloth.

I looked at him puzzled, "What's the wash cloth for?" I asked him.

He sat down on the bed then folded the wash cloth up then started moving the wash cloth toured my face. I moved away quickly then got off the bed and stood next to his bedroom window, terrified of what he might do, "What the hell are you doing. I thought you cared, now your trying to drug me with something you put on that wash cloth?" I said quickly as my voice broke from fear.

He looked at me stunned, "I wasn't gonna hurt you, Bella. I would never hurt you," He said softly. I believed him, I did. But I was still scared. I mean how can I trust anyone after what Emmett did. I never ones thought Emmett was that kind of guy. I knew he was a jerk but not that kind of jerk. Hopefully someday he will become a good person. Because deep down I know he is a good guy. I just wish he would show it. I kept my eyes on Edward for a minute. His expression changed from being stunned to being pained in less than a second. Why would he be in pain?

"Bella, it's just water on the wash cloth. I was just gonna wipe your face off 'cause you were crying, I would never hurt you. You have to believe that," He pleaded with soft eyes. I didn't know what to say. My brain was thinking about too much at the same time. I couldn't focus on one thought at a time. Edward stepped closer to me and I didn't move away I just stood there. I couldn't bring myself to move away because in reality I wanted him close to me. I still don't understand why I feel this way but I do and I have to just deal with it somehow. Edward stood in front of me making him be only an inch away from my face.

I looked down for a second then back up at his face.

"I would never hurt you, Bella. You just have to trust me." Edward told me softly.

After those words left his mouth he started to wipe my cheeks off with the wet wash cloth, "I do trust you," I admitted to him in a soft whisper. He smiled at at me as he continued to wipe my cheeks off.

When he was done he went back into the bathroom and then came back out, "So you hungry?" He asked me with a smile on his lips. I didn't realize it until he said something but I was hungry. I nodded and smiled. He grabbed my hand and started walking out of his room and down the stairs. We turned a corner away from the stairs and then we were in the kitchen. It was a normal looking kitchen. Refrigerator, dinning room table, wood kitchen counters, except for the beautiful backyard you could see through the sliding door. My backyard looks nothing like that. It was covered with pink, yellow, and blue flowers; It looked like a meadow.

"So what you want to eat?" He asked as I sat down down on the chair by the kitchen counter.

I looked over as he was looking in the refrigerator. "You know how to cook?" I asked kinda confused.

He looked at me with a crooked smile then chuckled, "Yeah, is that a bad thing?" He asked. I shook my head and smiled, "No, not at all. It's just my dad is a horrible cook. I am usually the one that makes dinner. So I guess I thought all guys couldn't cook," I confessed.

"Well, Becca can't cook and my mom is at work all day so it's either I cook or Becca would starve," He told me with a small smile and a shrug. I nodded in understanding then he turned on the stove and I got a vision of me giving my mom her dinner then running upstairs to call Alice, without realizing I left the stove on.

"Bella?" Edward said in a whisper.

I looked back at him and smiled trying to act like nothing was wrong,"Yeah," I asked softly. Edward turned the stove off and walked over to me. I looked at him and didn't know what he was gonna do. He put his hands out and I grabbed them and stood up out of the chair, "What?" I asked.

"Did something happen to you, Bella?"

"Why would you think that?" I asked in a confused tone when I was really worried he figured it out. What if he has figured it out just by the way I have been acting?

He smiled sadly and caressed my cheek lightly, "Because you were crying, and you don't seem that happy to me."

"It's nothing, really. I'm fine." I lied and resented doing it but it's the only way right now.

Edward shook his head and sighed, "No, your not, Bella. I would if you were okay and you not, so just tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded with hopeful, pained eyes.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I stepped away from him, "Please, stop...trying to figure me out." I told him in a watery voice as I ran my fingers threw my hair quickly. I felt the tears coming down my cheeks now. I can't deal with him finding out and treating me different. He is the only person since it happened that has treated me like a normal person; Not like some girl who lost her mother.

"Bella," Edward said but I ignored him.

I turned around and looked out his sliding door windows and saw that it was raining now. I gently grabbed by the waist and turned around suddenly, "Bella, please talk to me. Let me help you," Edward pleaded still with his arm around my waist, which just made me feel more upset.

"You can't help it, nobody can help it," I screamed in pain and anger. I started sobbing as i dropped to the ground. My legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds.

"Bella," Edward yelled before he knelled down still with his arms around me. He sat next to me then he slowly rocked me back and forth in his arms.

I sniffled before looking up at him, "My mom died in a fire four months ago. There...now you know," I confessed quickly in a soft whisper as I was still crying. Edward's eyes went wide like I knew they would, "And I'm mad because it was my fault, Edward."

He stared at me for a minute, "Bella, it wasn't your fault that happened."

"Yes it was. I left the stove on after I cooked her dinner, it started a fire, and it was my fault. See you can't help me through this because no one can. I am a horrible person, I'm worse then the devil," I stated in an angry tone as the tears stopped and were replaced with anger. Edward pulled me away gently and stared into my eyes. I was confused by his reaction. He put his hands on either side of my face and started leaning in. He brushed his lightly against mine before pulling away and staring into my eyes. I stared at him stunned. I can't believe he just did that.

"Your not the devil, your an angel. Every time I look at you...your wearing a halo," He told me with a smile. I giggled lightly as I was marveled by his words. How did he do that; Change my mood from completely angry to completely happy. He leaned in again and this time I did too. He kissed me gently and tenderly on the lips as I kissed him back. I can't believe I am kissing Edward. Why am I kissing him. It felt right kissing him, like I am supposed to kiss him and nobody else. Maybe what Becca said was right. Maybe I do have feeling for Edward? Wait, no I can't. What if I lose him like my mother. But what if Alice was right, that I can't keep pushing people away. And it's not what my mother would want. She would want me to be happy not in pain and pushing every guy in the world away because I am scared. What am i gonna do? I think I am having feelings for Edward. But what if he doesn't have feelings for me?

**A/N Please Review!**


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